The Three Little Pigs & the big BAD BAD WOLF!!!

When I was a wee lad I was first introduced to Nursery Rhymes by my Grandmother, who seemed to know them all.

The ones she didn't know she "ad libbed" like a seasoned thespian.
If you look at the "roots" of Rhymes, or even West Indian Calypso culture you can often see a connection or association which reflect actual events in history!

A nursery rhyme was often used to parody the royal and political events and people of the day. The humble Rhyme was used as a seemingly innocent vehicle to quickly spread subversive messages!
Can you imagine the White house Press Secretary sitting by the fireside reading "Rain Rain go away"

Old Mother Hubbard
The Old Mother Hubbard referred to in this rhyme's words allude to the famous Cardinal Wolsey. Cardinal Thomas Wolsey was the most important statesman and churchman of the Tudor history period in 16th century England. Cardinal Wolsey proved to be a faithful servant but displeased the King, Henry VIII, by failing to facilitate the King's divorce from Queen Katherine of Aragon who had been his queen of many years. The reason for seeking the divorce and hence the creation of the Old Mother Hubbard poem was to enable him to marry Anne Boleyn with whom he was passionately in love. In the Old Mother Hubbard song King Henry was the "doggie" and the "bone" refers to the divorce (and not money as many believe) The cupboard relates to the Catholic Church although the subsequent divorce arranged by Thomas Cramner resulted in the break with Rome and the formation of the English Protestant church and the demise of Old Mother Hubbard - Cardinal Wolsey.
It this were the "Tour de France" Johan Bruyneel would have to take the place of the Cardinal

Jack & Jill
The roots of the story, or poem, of Jack and Jill are in France. Jack and Jill referred to are said to be King Louis XVI - Jack -who was beheaded (lost his crown) followed by his Queen Marie Antoinette - Jill - (who came tumbling after). The words and lyrics to the Jack and Jill poem were made more acceptable as a story for children by providing a happy ending!
There would be lots of opportunities to write a new one about Lance and Alberto going up a hill (Col de la Colombiere)

Georgie Porgie
The origins of the lyrics to "Georgie Porgie" are English and refer to the courtier George Villiers, 1st duke of Duke of Buckingham (1592–1628). King James I took Villiers as his lover and nicknamed him "Steenie" (a reference to St. Stephen whom in the Bible describes as having the "face of an angel"). Villier's good looks also appealed to the ladies and his highly suspect morals were much in question!Villiers most notorious affair was with his liaison with Anne of Austria, (1601–1666) who was the Queen of France and married to the French King Louis XIII badly injured both of their reputations.
Many modern day candidates for this position

Of course one of my favourites was the story of the three little pigs.
The Three Little Pigs" teaches us in a most enjoyable and dramatic form that we must not be lazy and take things easy, for if we do, we may perish....by the hairs of our chiny chin chin.
After all .....intelligent planning and foresight, combined with hard labor will make us victorious over even our most ferocious enemy-the wolf!

One would think that would be true to "training" as well.

• I built up on my first 40 miles (straw house)
• The second one soon followed with regular 65 mile jaunts (Sticks)
• And finally after feeling confident of having endurance for a 100 miles (Bricks)

in my well conditioned legs the WOLF ARRIVED!!!!!

(These Wolfs can be found on any international flights/travelling lasting more than 24 hours - Singapore-London -Houston)

This was no ordinary wolf, he was a nasty Fire breathing dragon type of creature morphed from jet lag, fatigue and various types of flu like symptoms. His red eyes melted the reinforced re-bar of the outside structure while his toxic emissions infiltrated every square inch of my protected habitat leaving me in a state of total weakness and debilitation.

After a week in bed I convinced myself I was well enough to take part in the Katy Flatlands 100. It could have been the Katy "Downhill" 100 for all I cared as my body decided to shut me down after only ten miles with a high fever and dizzy spells.

Another week has past and I did manage forty miles last week and actually now have the energy to write a BLOG!!!!

One thing I have learned from this is that starting up your training again too early from any type of flu/cold/virus etc is a poor idea

Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be - Kahil Gibran

Singapore, Jet Lag & Fantastic Memories

For those of you who have experienced JET LAG!! You know its not much fun. Not only has it interupted my circadian rhythm but it has also effected my blog writting comitments which have decidely taken a "backseat" to some serious struggles with insomnia.

Last weekend I spent cycling with with my twin brother in North Yorkshire during a brief buisness stop over in England on the way to Singapore.

I was relieved that he blogged about our adventures because it gave me a "writting reprieve" which I sorely needed after some mamoth air time (Houston - London -8 hours followed by London -Singapore 12 hours)

My trip to Singapore was to conduct some Marine Audits on a vessel that my company are picking up for work in Australia and although my schedule and work load was pretty tight I did manage to arrange a small R & R window today to get a bike ride in before I start my journey back to Houston tonight. (Another 22 hours flying).

I was accompanied by a work mate of mine called John who although showed some keeness to join me on a ride did confess that it had been 12 years since had last rode. Of course I told him not to worry - "Its just like ridding a bike........

Singapore is one of my favorate places in the world. I lived here for two years in the 70's when my father was stationed in Singapore and my brother and I both spent the Summers learning to sail and hanging out at the "HMS Terror" Naval Base which I found an archived picture of along with records from the Royal Singapore Yacht Club recording a saliling race regatta my father had one at the time.

Singapore has changed considerably since then with the Island growing substantially with a number of huge land reclemation projects. One these projects included an area on the South East Coast called East Coast Park. which was planned to incorporate a number of healthy options for the Singapore people in the form of Health & Recreation.
There are a number of terrific trails that run along the coast and are individually allocated to Cyclists,Joggers,Roller Bladders and Pedestrians alike. This is the route that John & I took and acheived about 24 miles of cycling.

The Park had a number of bike rental places scattered along the beach and although the rental prices were reasonable, the quality and condition of the bikes was not so good with my gears sounding like an angry hog (That when the chain wasn't jumping off)

East Coast Park is one of the more well-known parks in the eastern part of Singapore which was evident by the amount of people using it. is around 20km long and is one of the largest parks in Singapore spaning from the Eastern to Southern coast, from Changi all the way to Marine Parade. We completed the stretch twice in just over 2 hours.

Another area that seen some great changes are the Singapore skyline with the new addition of the "Singapore Flyer" and this years first Formula 1 race track that covers some of the down town roads.

Icarus - This isnt Rocket Science, but it is Houston!

I am sure if Icarus were alive to day he would be living in the suburbs South of Houston heading up a new adventure for NASA

Most of us know the story of Icarus and his futile attempt to escape from the Island of Minos where his thoughtful father made him a pair of aerodynamic wings fashioned from the feathers of a couple of geese they had for dinner and left over wax from their illicit mead distillery.

Of course if the had rented "The Wizard of Oz" from Blockbuster the night before they could have heard Margaret Hamilton utter those famous words "I'm Melting"

Did you know that the wicked witch went on to be a spokesperson for Maxwell House Coffee ( I guess that means Glinda must have got the Starbucks Gig!)

Like Icarus I tried to escape today, not from the Island of Minos but from the Island of Monotony (Work Week)

My escape took the form of a very hot ride. I guess you know its going to be warm when your departing temperature @ 0700 is already in the 90's and the arrival back in the parking lot saw the temperature reach 107.

Of course I was prepared ! In addition to the largest camel back I possess I loaded up my bike with a few extra bottles of ice water which I continually dumped on my head every time I saw that tree lined tropical oasis in the middle of the road, where people were sitting by a submerged bar drinking drinks with umbrellas in them. (One of many illusions, the rest weren't as endearing)

Hey its an early Houston Summer! and 4 months ago I had cleat warmers and leggings! Such are the challenges for the year round cyclist..........and I Love it!!! .........At least I did not run into Toto!

Team Shirt Tuesday

We finally decided on our team shirts for the Mules

"Give them some Heat" - Nolan

This morning I ventured down to Alvin, Texas with a fellow Mule "Kenny" to take part in the "Tour de Brazos"
Alvin is a city in in Brazoria County and whose claim to fame is Baseballs Hall of Famer "Nolan Ryan". One of Nolan's more famous pitches was his fast ball and fans often delighted when Nolan gave his opposition some chin music in the form of some "Heat" (Fast Ball).

Having experienced Alvin today I am not at all surprised about Mr Ryan's fastball as those fortunate to survive the full 100 mile ride of the "Tour de Baz" - HEAT was the theme for the day.

By noon the mercury had hit above 100 Degrees F and with a heat index closer to 106 Degrees we were thankful to see a Fire Engine at the halfway mark spraying a water mist into the air to cool of the riders.

The ride spent a great deal in Brazoria County including stretches where we crossed over the Brazos River (Hence the name of the ride)The first part of the ride was against a stiff onshore wind coming in from the Gulf but we made great time and got to the 50 mile marker at a great average of 20mph.
Then we went over a railway track and Kenny heard a pop on his bike and automatically started having problems changing gears. I did not look too closely at Kenny's Bike, but in hindsight it did resemble one of the wheels off "Fred Flintstones" car .
One of the spokes had snapped and the wheel was wobbling around dramatically as if the wheel had not been invented by Cavemen, and was in fact still square in shape.

We decided to pull into a a rest stop where some very creative bike mechanics patched Kenny up. The next 50 miles was reasonably uneventful except for the occasional cramping and "day dreaming" of a cool glass of lemonade.
The ride was fantastic, and the volunteers "All Stars". It was a good training ride for the Hotter than Hell 100 in August, which today saw very similar temperatures and conditions.

Forest Gump (Mrs)

Friday

When Forest Gump uttered that now famous Quote "Life is like a box of Chocolates, you never know what your going to get", I never thought it would have such a resounding application to my riding adventures.

This weekend was a perfect example! On Friday Sean and I set forth on a 50 mile ride and on one of our fav stops we encountered a young lady who was bravely back packing from Florida to Waco Texas along with her dog.

Her dog could definitely have been an "Honorary Mule" as he was well equipped with his own panniers and provisions, and she had biceps on her that were proportionate to the huge back pack she was carrying. I guess you don't have to worry about the Gym when your hitting the road!

At first we were a bit suspicious and concerned for the young "lassie" but being anxious for a break we exchanged the typical social pleasantries and very quickly realized that our preconceived ideas were sadly judgemental and this exchange was very rewarding.

She was great! young, confident, eloquent and full of that "Joi de vivre" that seems to be missing in a great deal of our youth today. She also new a great deal about bikes which of course opened the door for full acceptance.

As we guzzled back our water in attempt to hydrate in the beating sun we listened intently on some of her adventures. In New Orleans she was arrested for trying to hitch a ride on a freight train and had the pleasure of spending the night in one of the Crescent cities finest "Lock ups" while her poor dog was thrown in the pound.

She, like any "dog lover" knows found this experience more compounding by her dogs situation than her own dilemma. Still after paying a hunk of change $270 she bailed the dog out of "Doggy Jail" and was on her way swearing never to try to take a ride on the Railroad again.

Saturday

Kenny & I pushed a respectable 50 miles but admitedly jumped on the back of a very fast (23mph hour) Peloton for the last 12 Miles. I could have read a book it was soo comfortable.

Sunday

We started today in great form as I was joined by Sean,Kenny,Andy and Paul (Paul joined up with us today) Had a great ride and found a Horseshoe en route!!! The wind was stiff from the South and had us on our toes with some difficult cross wind action. One little time event was after 30 miles into the ride when I broke through my 2000 Mile mark for the year. It just happened to be on a hill which I thought was very fitting.

The "Memorial Day" Mules Pt 1

Last Sunday me and my fellow "Mules" decided to push our riding endurance to a new level in our attempt to ready our selves for the "Hotter than Hell 100" later in the year.
Our route took us from a suburban neighborhood on the outskirts of Houston to the rural town of Bellville in Austin County and back, a total distance of 108 Miles. It was a perfect start as we left Houston at 06:30 under clear skies with a slight head wind that steadily increased during the course of the morning. By the 30 Mile marker we were were averaging 20mph but that soon changed as our scheduled water stop at a familiar "Taco Shack" was closed and we had to endure the last 23 miles into Bellville in a highly dehydrated state, knocking our average down to 19mph. (we did not make the same mistake on the home leg)














Left to Right:
Kenny "5 Hour Energy" Rhame
Andy Brickell
Myself - Holding the commemorative Poppy
Sean Lloyd
David "Waffles" Hill
Apart from the incentive of one of the "Hills" famous hamburgers I asked my fellow riders "The Mules" to consider the ride a Memorial one, and to carry pictures or mementos of people they wanted to remember or honour in our cycling effort.
Mine was an easy one as I carefully wrapped up:

• The last picture taken of my father and me just before he died of cancer a couple of years ago. (L-R Paddy,Dad, Andy, Phil)
  
• A WW1 "Great War" Medal of my Great Grandfather


• Poppy Commemorative Cross from Westminster Abbey

My Father was a my real hero in life, but it really did not become that evident until after he passed and I really started to miss him.









He served his country well as a Squadron Leader in the Royal Air Force, and made a real commitment to follow his dreams and goals and live life to the fullest.
He bravely completed two transatlantic crossings with his wife Sue in a small 36' yacht, competed in the World Masters Laser competitions all around the world, and loved to spend as much time on a bike as possible.
Spending time around bikes became a great retirement challenge for him and he always encouraged us to take up the sport.
It certainly rubbed off on all of us!
Both Phil and I are avid cyclists and our younger brother Andy owns a bike store "Cycleheaven" in York where he actively campaigns and promotes safe cycling.
Our step sister Sare keeps us in check with her own fantastic cycling endeavours in South Africa and in so many ways cycling has brought us all together. We miss you Dad!!!

Its my goal to complete 100 miles every Memorial day to keep our loved ones Memories alive and to remember those who have sacrificed theirs.

The Cheetah is fast But !!!!

A couple of months ago I was suffering from insomnia and found myself watching a documentary in the early hours of the morning revealing the fastest animals on the planet. The results were fascinating, especially number 10 which is now firmly etched in my brain.

1. Cheetah (Speed in mph :70 )
2. Pronghorn Antelope (Speed in mph :61 )

3. Wildebeest (Speed in mph :50 )

4. Lion (Speed in mph :50 )

5. Thomson's Gazelle (Speed in mph :50 )

6. Quarterhorse (Speed in mph :47.5 )

7. Elk (Speed in mph :45 )

8. Cape Hunting Dog (Speed in mph :45 )

9. Coyote (Speed in mph :43 )

10. Bad Tempered Spandex Muncher on Olde Washington Road

(Speed in excess of 33 mph )

All I can say in National Geographic's defence is that perhaps the dog that chased me today was probably not from this Planet, but sent down to create a colony of dogs whose sole aim in life is to torment:

• Cyclists
• Mailmen
• Pizza Delivery
• Newspaper Delivery
• Cats
• Cars

Don't get me wrong, I am a huge dog lover and one that has nursed his fair share of dogs in his time.You think they would know? Perhaps I can get a "Florence Nightingale for Dogs" sticker to put on my bike. A kind of "get out of jail free" card for cyclists, where the pursuing dog will notice the membership and revert to the next rider in line.

When the "Beast of Burden" started to make chase I thought about Mark Cavendish or Chris Hoy and that even if I could manage 2/3rds of their sprinting skills I may have a chance. The faster I went the more the beast drooled looking at my latex clad backside as his own personnel Sunday Lunch.

This beast didn't care about the veggies or gravy all he wanted was Rare Rump!!!

After I finally evaded the dog I looked back fearing that Andy & Sean (My cycling buddies) would be a mess of gnarled bodies lying by the roadside I was surprised to see the dog was not even interested in them.

When I got home later and plugged in my Garmin I was not surprised at all that my heart rate had topped 190 bpm and my speed had passed the 30 mph. This got my thinking how fast could one actually go on a bike.

In track sprint racing riders are timed over the final 200 metres and top riders will regularly clock under 11 seconds which is close to 40 mph. I know from experience that a road with a gradual downgrade and a following wind are optimum for higher speeds.

Add in a "Beast" for good measure and who knows?? (More on the subject)

For those of you who have there own neighborhood harbinger of terror here are a few good links:

• About.com - Bikes
• Bike Forums - Dog Chasing
  
  

"But Why? Some say the Moon?

In the transformational style of JFK we were asked the simple question of where our motivation lies..... He goes on to say "We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organise and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win".
Training, and in particular cycling holds the same challenges as long as we except the basic tenets:

• Challenge is one that we are willing to accept


• Challenge is one that we are NOT willing to postpone

I could very easily get up when I wake up (Now there's a Novel idea) have a hearty breakfast at Denny's or some hash browns at Mc Donald's.
I would then head out for a leisurely 10 mile ride at a brisk pace while trying to convince myself that I am exceeding the 30 min per day of exercise the Surgeon General has recommended for my basic well being.
After all that would be quite civilised. I could even meet some like minded people on the road and discuss "Leno" or other shows that you have to stay up late to see. (Bedtime is now 7 pm)

Its difficult to acknowledge, especially as you start getting into the age stratosphere of 40+ that training has elevated itself from a routine exercise to a major challenge. Those motivational juices that were once easy to cunjure become more and more difficult to stir up.
Fortunately, for me I have my own specialized custom made cattle prod in the way of my twin brother , who is also vying for the same goals.

During the Week
Do I like getting up at 3:00 am? then eating something that has the texture of cardboard and the taste of grass. As I drive to the Gym...... my X-Menesque vision can see normal people sound a sleep dreaming of waffles and pancakes. I used to promise myself that I would train after work, but as each day ended with a poor fatigued excuse I realized I had to steal some time from the other end of the day.
The morning does works for me quite well, especially as I feel so energised in starting my day but I have to admit on occasions the alarm clock has seen time fly! Only to be picked up and patched up with another layer of duct tape when I get home.

The Weekend Rides
I used to like riding with people who were slower than me. It would be a great opportunity to slow down, rest, catch my breath while convincing myself that I must be good if I am waiting for someone twenty years younger than me to catch up.

It wasn't until I heard that expression "Lipstick on a Pig" that it started to make sense.
Convincing myself that I was an average rider was only a different color of "Lipstick" and the only way I would ever improve was to cycle with riders far better than myself, and go much further than what was comfortable for me.

It sucks trying to keep up with that fast Pace Peloton, and just when you think they are waiting for you at the top of the hill as you are doing the best impression of the "I think I can" steam engine they "charge off" again leaving you with the firm resolution to set your alarm clock ten minutes earlier.

There are no easy fixes! all the lipstick in Macy's is not going to help. If you want to be a stronger rider you have to work harder, not hard.

This time last year I started training hard for a fantastic August event we have in Texas called the "Hotter than Hell" 100 Mile Endurance Ride. I finished the grueling ride in just under 5 hours having an average speed of 20 mph by far my best time in any cycling event to date.

Last year it was my challenge! My moon but this year is different!

I will be accompanied by my twin brother and his friend Simon from England and my regular "young buck" riding buddies Dave,Kenny, Brooke & Scott from Houston.

So the Question is "But Why 20mph....... Some say 22mph? ...That wouldn't be me of course.

Dutch Courage..I am feeling Strong Today!!!

In the seventeenth century, long-standing trade rivalries and naval jealousies between England and the Netherlands erupted into the Anglo-Dutch Wars. The conflicts gave rise to the plethora of derisive "Dutchman" expressions. One of the more poignant of these notably being the term "Dutch Courage".
Dutch Courage can be traced to the practice of certain Dutch Admirals who allowed their men to drink copious amounts of hearty libations before engaging the enemy. The English took the opportunity to spread some idol gossip that their naval adversaries courage was directly proportional to the amount of Bols Gin they consumed.
Perhaps Gauguin himself had two many "Sloe Gins" and some "DC" when he lopped Van Gough's ear off .Heck! Even Herbert Spencer got in on the act by establishing in his work "The Study of Sociology" ..."The fact that a dose of brandy,by stimulating the circulation, produces Dutch courage" as it is called.
Myself and my fellow riders have claimed our own form of "Dutch Courage" in the form of the colourful bottle of "5 hour Energy"

The first time I sipped this elixir of energy I could almost hear the Mad Hatter laughing as he chased Alice around the Tea Table. I was hoping to feel like Popeye after a few cans of Spinach, switching the forearm development into 2 huge piston like calf's ready to take on the steepest hill the road could offer.
It says a great many things on the bottle, but regardless of the chemical and nutritional values of the ingredients it may contain it has become our own "Dutch Courage"......our own significant " I am feeling strong today potion"

The potion that:

• Keeps the wind at our back
• Ensures that any speeding motorists spill their coffee in their laps
• Keeps flat punctures at bay
• Gives us the courage to explore new routes

but more importantly enables us to have a toast for a good days ride CHEERS!!!

The Competitive Curse

Its been two weeks since I have climbed on my bike and it hasn't been fun. Its not for the want of cycling, or the need to control my ever expanding waistline, but a pesky injury that has the best of me. The "Hamstring" or to get really technical the bicep femoros. During the month of April I have had the pleasure of my twin brother visiting me, and ever since we were able to crawl everything was a competition. There were many:

• First of all it was "Who could crawl to the piece of chocolate mum dropped on the floor the fastest.
• Who could scream the loudest
• Who could wear the most food on their face
• Who could step on the most bugs
• Who could eat the most bugs
• Who could eat the most bugs without getting sick first
• Who could get detention the most..............and the list goes on!

Then we got older and our priorities changed. The world of Girls and the world of Sports brought on a whole new dimension of competition, especially as we seemed to like the same girls and the same sports and our innocent competition evolved into a dimension of ruthless abandon.
The weekend before Philip left to go back to England we went to our company picnic and participated in a "Softball" match. Before I recall the match review, I do have to point out that after getting hit in the chest by a lovely, spirited, scintillating line drive there is nothing soft about the ball at all. I felt like I had been shot by a cannon. Phil & I were chosen as the two team captains as we were the only ones who had never played the game before. Phil was designated as his teams pitcher while I scurried out to the outfield to presumably be away from as much action as possible. (That to was a mistake)
When it was eventually my turn to bat I had to do the obligatory Babe Ruth "Called Shot"
gesture to my twin who in response threw the ball quite close to my left ear.
Eventually I managed a decent hit and after scampering to second tried my luck at stealing a base. (This was another mistake......and a further confirmation that the expression "Don't try this at home" should be taken seriously) As I slid into third base I felt the sickening sensation of the muscle tearing at the back of my leg and realised as I was called "OUT" that this competition dilemma with my brother had to end.......BUT WE DID WIN!!!!!!