The Pit and the Pendulum

I don't know about all of my fellow cyclists out there, but I am sure we have all had those "Near Miss" experiences.

That car on a two lane road that insists on passing you as if they are on the Bonneville Salt Flats. In their attempt to pass as close as possible, they nosily honks their horns in disdain and create a massive air vacuum that sees your fingernails piercing the handlebars as you quickly try to remember the Lords Prayer.

Unfortunately, I have experienced this dangerous behavior far too often, and find myself lured into a dark and sinister place of what punishment I could deliver upon the assailant if ever got my hands on them. (I know its naughty, and not Gandhi like .....but it helps my venting process)

The Punishment would have to fit the Crime!!

In the same way as we feel that whooshing sensation on our legs and arms, and the startling honk of the obnoxious horn, what better way of exacting ones revenge than taking a leaf out of one of those classic old horror movies.

When I was a young lad growing up, Friday night was significant in the way that it represented the "Horror Movie Ritual". It was a time when the munching of fingernails, and cowering of ones head behind a cushion would take one away from the evil banter of Vincent Price and Christopher Lee. (I am sure I am ageing myself now). All cars should be fitted with Mr Price's evil laugh anytime they come within three feet of an innocent cyclist.

Unlike the new generation of Wes Craven with his propensity to use up about 1,000 containers of Ketchup the older horror movies relied on suspense, timing, and "what ifs"?

One of my Favourites was the classic "The Pit and the Pendulum" based on the short stories of Edgar Allen Poe. The story is especially effective at inspiring fear in the reader because of its heavy focus on the senses, such as sound, emphasizing its reality, unlike many of Poe's stories which are aided by the supernatural.

Of course in my version there will be a hero who comes to the rescue of the estranged motorist in the unlikely form of a "Bike Messenger" who only agrees to save the assailant after he agrees to have a better attitude towards cyclists.

I guess we can always dream! In the meantime be careful out there.