With the
Tour de France due to start this weekend I thought it only fitting to review the ABC's of cycling so all those interested pedestrians can have a glimpse into our "wonderful wacky world"
Thanks to
http://www.bikesource.com/auger v. to
involuntarily take samples of the local geology, usually with one's face, during a crash.
My Dentist is loving this one and I thought Rugby was hard.
beartrap
1) v. to slip off one pedal, causing the other pedal to slam one in the shin, when one gets
cracked with a pedal.
I did this once in a spinning class when my cleats sheared. I think they heard the scream 50 miles away.
crotch-testing
n. sudden impact between a male rider's private parts and something very hard and pointy, such as a handlebar stem or seat.
Aspirations of a Soprano come to mind, and I don't mean the ones that live in New Jerseydeath march
n. a ride that turns into an investigation of your endurance limit. "The bridge was out, and I had to go all the way back the way I came. So the morning's nice, easy ride turned into a Bataan death march."
On the last 100 mile ride I completed I had serious cramping in my quads 30 miles from the finish and i must have utilized every four letter word in the dictionary
enscarfment
n. a food break at the edge of a cliff.
A good cause for indigestionfeeling nedlyv., adj. when older riders are having a particular strong outing
I love this ONE!!!!!!granny gear n. the lowest gear available on a bike, or a third and smallest front cog, which is only found on bikes for the feeble. Roadies don't have, need, or want them.
Don't have this one
hanging on
v. riding in the slipstream of another rider, but being lazy and refusing to take your turn in at the front.
Guilty as charged, though getting betterimpedimentia
n. all the junk on a bike that
impedes performance and looks bad.
No Bling Bling!!!JRA n.
abbreviation for the Just Riding Along syndrome
an area where ones average can bot be disputedkicker n. a steep section of road or trail.
LBS
n.
abbreviation for "Local Bike Shop".
male blindness
n. when a male rider watches a beautiful female ride over rough terrain and stares intensely, making him too dizzy to see straight when it's his turn to ride the same terrain.
Dave, Kenny & Phil don't fit the billnirvana
n. the state of being in absolute control and totally in tune with your bike, the trail, and your physical strength. "I was just doing it all so smoothly and delicately and quickly, it was nirvana!" Synonym for The Zone.
Have been there and the other end of the spectrum the Death Marchoff the back
adj. when a rider is dropped, or cannot keep up with the pace of the windshield (such as a
peloton or another rider) and falls behind.
The hardest part of getting back in the saddle againpush-push 1) n. a novice's pedaling motion, consisting of alternately pushing each foot down, instead of spinning.
quick-releasen. bolts with levers attached, for easy adjustment and removal of wheels and seat height
Unlike the first time I wore cleats with my obligatory slow release followed by asphalt introduction
RDS
n.
abbreviation for Rapid
Deceleration Syndrome. Military term for the very sudden illness that happens when the free-flight following a high-speed involuntary dismount is interrupted by something solid.
I realized quite early that the tools used by lumberjacks are more sophisticated than flailing arms.
snake bite
n. a double puncture of an inner tube, caused by hitting an obstacle too hard or by under-inflation of tires
Or welcome to Texas roadstea party
n. when a whole group of riders stops and chats, and nobody seems to want to ride on.
Unfortunately these groups have journeyed out of Bostonunobtanium
adj. describing a bike or accessory made from expensive, high-tech material. A play on "unobtainable" and "titanium."
My brother Phil is very good at this vernacularvelo-porn n. full-page, four-color
advertisements of giblets in cycling magazines. It can arouse giblet lust, giblet envy, and in serious cases, feelings of bike inadequacy. "Peter skipped right over the race results and went straight for the
velo-porn."
Have to have one under the pillow!!!wild pigs
n. poorly adjusted brake pads that squeal in use.
X -RaySee RDS Above
Yard....Of Ale Normally consumed after X- RayZone, the n. a state of mind experienced while riding. You don't think, you just do. A truly Zen experience that can't be fully explained, but when you get there you'll know it and strive to reach it again.
WEll I am off to England on Friday and hope to ride with my brother Philip on Sunday "Day of Reckoning" followed by a trip to Singapore.
I think JRA is a fav of LBSs. It's that story when someone wheels in a bike with "I was just riding along when the derailleur fell off ..." Have fun n England with your brother.
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