ABC

With the Tour de France due to start this weekend I thought it only fitting to review the ABC's of cycling so all those interested pedestrians can have a glimpse into our "wonderful wacky world"
Thanks to http://www.bikesource.com/

auger
v. to involuntarily take samples of the local geology, usually with one's face, during a crash.
My Dentist is loving this one and I thought Rugby was hard.
beartrap
1) v. to slip off one pedal, causing the other pedal to slam one in the shin, when one gets cracked with a pedal.
I did this once in a spinning class when my cleats sheared. I think they heard the scream 50 miles away.
crotch-testing
n. sudden impact between a male rider's private parts and something very hard and pointy, such as a handlebar stem or seat.
Aspirations of a Soprano come to mind, and I don't mean the ones that live in New Jersey
death march
n. a ride that turns into an investigation of your endurance limit. "The bridge was out, and I had to go all the way back the way I came. So the morning's nice, easy ride turned into a Bataan death march."
On the last 100 mile ride I completed I had serious cramping in my quads 30 miles from the finish and i must have utilized every four letter word in the dictionary
enscarfment
n. a food break at the edge of a cliff.
A good cause for indigestion
feeling nedly
v., adj. when older riders are having a particular strong outing
I love this ONE!!!!!!
granny gear
n. the lowest gear available on a bike, or a third and smallest front cog, which is only found on bikes for the feeble. Roadies don't have, need, or want them.
Don't have this one
hanging on
v. riding in the slipstream of another rider, but being lazy and refusing to take your turn in at the front.
Guilty as charged, though getting better
impedimentia
n. all the junk on a bike that impedes performance and looks bad.
No Bling Bling!!!
JRA
n. abbreviation for the Just Riding Along syndrome
an area where ones average can bot be disputed
kicker
n. a steep section of road or trail.
LBS
n. abbreviation for "Local Bike Shop".
male blindness
n. when a male rider watches a beautiful female ride over rough terrain and stares intensely, making him too dizzy to see straight when it's his turn to ride the same terrain.
Dave, Kenny & Phil don't fit the bill
nirvana
n. the state of being in absolute control and totally in tune with your bike, the trail, and your physical strength. "I was just doing it all so smoothly and delicately and quickly, it was nirvana!" Synonym for The Zone.
Have been there and the other end of the spectrum the Death March
off the back
adj. when a rider is dropped, or cannot keep up with the pace of the windshield (such as a peloton or another rider) and falls behind.
The hardest part of getting back in the saddle again
push-push
1) n. a novice's pedaling motion, consisting of alternately pushing each foot down, instead of spinning.
quick-release
n. bolts with levers attached, for easy adjustment and removal of wheels and seat height
Unlike the first time I wore cleats with my obligatory slow release followed by asphalt introduction
RDS
n. abbreviation for Rapid Deceleration Syndrome. Military term for the very sudden illness that happens when the free-flight following a high-speed involuntary dismount is interrupted by something solid.
I realized quite early that the tools used by lumberjacks are more sophisticated than flailing arms.
snake bite
n. a double puncture of an inner tube, caused by hitting an obstacle too hard or by under-inflation of tires
Or welcome to Texas roads
tea party
n. when a whole group of riders stops and chats, and nobody seems to want to ride on.
Unfortunately these groups have journeyed out of Boston
unobtanium
adj. describing a bike or accessory made from expensive, high-tech material. A play on "unobtainable" and "titanium."
My brother Phil is very good at this vernacular
velo-porn
n. full-page, four-color advertisements of giblets in cycling magazines. It can arouse giblet lust, giblet envy, and in serious cases, feelings of bike inadequacy. "Peter skipped right over the race results and went straight for the velo-porn."
Have to have one under the pillow!!!
wild pigs
n. poorly adjusted brake pads that squeal in use.
X -Ray
See RDS Above
Yard
....Of Ale Normally consumed after X- Ray
Zone, the
n. a state of mind experienced while riding. You don't think, you just do. A truly Zen experience that can't be fully explained, but when you get there you'll know it and strive to reach it again.

WEll I am off to England on Friday and hope to ride with my brother Philip on Sunday "Day of Reckoning" followed by a trip to Singapore.